OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Randomize
