So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I understand Curling. That high.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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