brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
