if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
40s are totally the cure
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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