After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
