I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize