I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
