Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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