last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize