I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize