I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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