I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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