why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I still have a little drunk in my system
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
