Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
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