Nicole vs. Life
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize