why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
