No stitches, just platelets and will power
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
