Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
