A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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