when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
