God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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