I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
