so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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