I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
