So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I want a musical about memes.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
