ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
