we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
