dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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