So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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