you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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