Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
