i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
