WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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