just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
