My room smells like vodka and shame
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
