Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
