Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
