Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
