i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
