Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I think I just sharted jello shots
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
