so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
