all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
