someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
