Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
