I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
