who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
