and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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