On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
last night I used snow as a chaser
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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