I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
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