Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
