please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
