I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
