I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
