Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just want to make out with him forever
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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