note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
