It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
