I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
you had me at cake vodka
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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