My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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