Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize