If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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