come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
