Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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