maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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