she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
