I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I wanna passion pit in your ass
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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