you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
