how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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