Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
