well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
A bitchslap is in order.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
