If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
