So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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