Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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