just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
