walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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