Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize