i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize