You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize