Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
