I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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