sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
