Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
