This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
