I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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