One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
