What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
