she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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