even my farts smell like vagina
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
