You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize