This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
