Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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