my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
