they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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