The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i already hear my dad disowning me
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize