I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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