You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
and you fell through a lawn chair
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