So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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