4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
